Life, Love and the pursuit of Vodka

Oh, Men. Is empathy still an active emotion with you? While you're filling my inbox with 11 messages of condolences as thinly veiled offers of dinner and drinks within 2 days of my heart being broken, do you think you're healing me? I'm barely holding myself together with grace so I guarantee I won't be as kind and diplomatic as I might have otherwise been when I tell you I'm not ready. Then, I'm going to feel guilty about the harshness I'm displaying or just completely ignoring you but can't do anything to stop the guilt because that's the type of person I am. Don't put either of us through that. Pain takes time to heal. I'm not ready for you to hurt me. Yes, that's what I expect, because I'm currently still hurting. I'm so sick right now I can barely eat. Dinner with you isn't even physically appealing. If I have drinks with you I'm going to get emotional and cry all over you about the despair I'm currently fee...

This is raw but I needed to just get it out. I couldn't keep reading it over and over to edit... Please have grace with me. I feel like a failure as a mother.  Logically I know it’s not true but our hearts and minds often pull us in different directions and now is most assuredly one of those times for me. I have two boys, 11 and 13. Colin, my 11 year old, loves robotics, music and aerial arts. Caleb, my 13 year old, loves sports and video games. Their personalities are like night and day but they’re both incredible young men with enormous hearts. I was lucky as a young mom. Both boys started sleeping for 6ish hours through the night at around 6 weeks old. They were great toddlers and never got into too much trouble. I really was blessed with healthy, smart, caring children. Being a mom to two great kiddos and gliding through most of elementary school was so easy and satisfying… until it wasn’t. About 4 years ago when Caleb was in 4 th grade things started to change: just l...